Disappointment

I have been disappointed with the welfare world lately, and humanity in general I guess...more than usual. I am not sure why I as I know how it works and all the nuances of the issues that are ingrained into the system and into people. But, after a year of trying to get support for something that others say are important to them and actually live "the rescue life," it really all comes down to ego and petty behavior. Once again, something that I already knew, but in this case really is sad.
​
Today topped off that with the realization that I am also disappointed with myself as I no longer really live the "rescue life." I do not have the personal and community resources that I used to, do not have the support I used to. Therefore I am not able to make the difference I once used to. Therefore there is an incredibly friendly, unneutered, flea-ridden, smelly cat sitting somewhere in the woods right now. I had to leave him last night when I found him because I had nowhere to take him and no place in the very tiny house I just had to move into. No big crate, and no where to put him safely to shield from the fleas and spraying until I could figure out what to do. No way to make him safe and comfortable.

I had to walk away and I was, and am, sick to my stomach about it.

Today Animal Control treated me like I was ignorant and refused to help because "maybe someone is feeding him." And, yeah, so!?? Food is nothing without medical care and health, and suffering is what we are supposed to help with, or have they forgotten that. The shelter was kind enough to say they may be able to help, but only after a lecture about what the situation "probably is" in their mind. I didn't even bother to tell either of them about my history with rescue since there was no point. I felt like a schmuck and just kept silent. 

I was up all night thinking about how to help him and today went to look for him again. I will do so again tomorrow, and the next day and the next day...

My car once again has a carrier, flea medicine and food in back, and I have decided to build something outside so if this happens again I do not have to rely on others.

Doing something is better than nothing...at least some things never change...

10/16/2021 - Well, I feel a little better tonight as he is safe inside and getting care. I found out where he was sleeping last night, fed him and left more food, and knew right where to find him this morning, and he was happy to see me. He was a good boy on the car ride and only a little freak-out, but quickly relaxed. I feel a little more human, a little less like a loser. I also realized that not being able to help him the other night was adding insult to injury in my life...rescue is so ingrained in who I am that not being able to do something is beyond devastating. 

Life moves and changes...and helping one may not change the world, but it changes the world for that one...Good night, Apollo.

​